I’m struggling… // A very personal post about why I don’t enjoy blogging, my struggles with anxiety + why I need a BREAK (aka this is a rambly mess)

Do y’all know that video of the girl who got a speeding ticket and then she has a full emotional breakdown because “her life is going extremely downhill”. Because that is EXACTLY how I feel right now.

I honestly don’t even know how else to introduce this post.

This is basically just going to be me rambling about my life and everything that is going wrong at this very moment.

I’m in a pretty bad mental state, I could not care less about blogging right now, I lack any and all motivation to study for my exam and my reading mojo is off. I usually don’t talk about my struggles on my blog, but I’m tired and I just want to be honest with y’all.

So here we are.

I’m a little nervous to post this, but I just really needed to get these things off my chest and I hope you guys understand where I’m coming from.

Sit down and grab a snack because this is going to be rambly personal AF.

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Before I start, I’d like to shoutout a few bloggers.

Marie has recently spoken up about her blogging pressures and I think every single person who blogs can relate to it. May has talked about the pressure to be perfect and people expecting you to be happy and upbeat all the time. Lu was very honest about the internet becoming too much and having anxiety over things like blogging.

Then we have the precious Juls who gave us advice on how to get RID of these blogging pressures which has helped me realise a lot of things about myself.

That being said, I was very inspired by all of these posts because I can relate SO MUCH.

I finally felt like it was time to talk about my own struggles when it comes to blogging and other things I’m going through in my life.

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READING SLUMP

This isn’t news to anyone who follows me on Twitter or has spoken to me privately, but I have been in the biggest reading slump/book hangover EVER.

Restore Me completely ruined me and I’m DEFINITELY NOT mad about it because it was everything I wanted it to be and more, but that also means I haven’t been able to think about anything else or pick up another book since.

I’ve tried.

I’ve tried one, two, three times but nothing is working.

I picked up the audiobook for The Belles, but I literally had to relisten to the first 6 chapters THREE TIMES and I still got nothing from it. I don’t remember names or places or plot… so I abandoned that.

Then I tried reading The Astonishing Color of After.

I meant to read it when I got the ARC in December, then I meant to buddy read it with Ilsa and Juls, then I planned to read it for the 24 hour Readathon, then Restore Me happened, then I wanted to read it before the release date on the 20th…

…AND I JUST COULDN’T.

It’s definitely not the book because I am loving the prose, but I just can’t concentrate on the words and my mind wanders and it’s so frustrating.

I’ve also started I Was Born For This. And it’s actually the first book where it’s… going alright??

I’m taking my time with it because I still don’t feel like reading, but I’m reading one chapter a day and slowly easing my way back into it. And it’s good :’)

Things might be looking up.

Update from present-Jackie: I’ve actually finished IWBFT in 2 days and it was amazing. I think I’m close to beating this reading slump!!! YAY ME!!!

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I HATE BLOGGING

That sounds way more dramatic than it is and I don’t necessarily hate it but… right now I just don’t enjoy blogging and all the responsibilites it entails.

Connected to my inability to read books, I can’t seem to find the motivation to work on this blog either. I’m in this weird slumpy mood and just thinking about writing all these posts in advance makes me wanna delete my blog and curl up in bed forever.

I love having posts scheduled throughout the month so I don’t have to worry about writing posts the day before they’re supposed to go up—it’s a great way to relieve stress.

Unfortunately, this hasn’t been stress-relieving at all, but rather it induced EVEN MORE STRESS.

I took a smol hiatus at the end of February so I could plan out my entire March blogging schedule and start pre-writing posts. I thought it’d make my life easier and I’d have lots of time to study without having to worry about writing blog posts.

I planned to have my The Astonishing Color of After review uploaded this week so y’all can read it before the release date (and decide to buy it), but I haven’t managed to read it in time because of my reading slump.

I switched things around and made other plans for this week, such as post a Q&A for my blogiversary. But then I wasn’t in the mood to write that post either.

So I rearranged it again and again and AGAIN and now we have THIS post right here.

Finally something I’ve been motivated to write lol. It’s easy when you can just ramble and get things off your chest without having to worry about structure and appealing to others.

This past week has really shown me how much PRESSURE I put on myself when it comes to this blog. I make this whole schedule and then I get so mad at myself when I can’t stick to it or don’t write posts in time.

I am in constant stress mode because of this blog.

I literally worry about (not) writing blog posts more often than I think about studying. And I often spend my time writing a new post instead of studying. Which should not happen.

I am pressuring myself SO MUCH and then I feel guilty for not writing the posts, not having something to scheduel, not being on time, not reading and reviewing before release date, not blog-hopping, not replying to comments—the list goes on and on.

And I just generally worry too much about ALL of these things instead of doing things that are actually important ie. studying.

This is just one big ass mess and I need some time to fix it.

It’s time for me to practice what I preach. I need to actually think about this and realise that I don’t have to pressure myself. I don’t have to post when I don’t want to.

I don’t have to write posts that I think others would like when I absolutely hate the idea of writing said post (!!!!).

I always give this advice to other bloggers who feel similarly, but apparently I can’t seem to follow it myself.

I need to take several steps back and remind myself WHY I blog. That this is for ME. And not for anyone else.

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I SHOULD BE STUDYING BUT I CAN’T

There are several reasons why I can’t seem to start studying:

1) I have no motivation and I’m the laziest binch ever

2) Not only am I in a reading slump, but my mental health is going extremely downhill and it’s keeping me from concentrating on what matters

3) I get distracted by anything and everything and…

4) I PROCRASTINATE EVERYTHING

I’m writing my exam NEXT WEEK and I’ve barely studied at all.

It’s been very hard for me to focus lately and whenever I sit down to study, my mind wanders off and I think about the most random crap.

I’m honestly not even doing any of the fun things that could distract me—reading, writing, watching TV shows—because I feel guilty for doing things that I enjoy instead of doing my revision.

BUT THEN I’M ALSO NOT DOING ANY STUDYING BECAUSE I PROCRASTINATE IT.

So I literally just spend the days working myself up over this and feeling guilty for sitting down to read, but not getting any reading done because I feel guilty for not doing any revision, sitting down to do my revision, but getting distracted by literally everthing the fact that I haven’t written a new blog post or read this book or or or…

SO IT’S JUST THIS VICIOUS CYCLE OF STRESS AND PRESSURE AND GUILT AND I CAN’T HANDLE IT.

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BAD MENTAL HEALTH

It’s weird how I’ve had such a perfect February and I thought my mental health was improving, and it really was going great in the first week of March.

I had Restore Me to look forward to and it was one of the best weeks of my life.

And I’m not saying that Restore Me is the reason for my bad mental health because IT’S NOT. To be honest, it’s actually the one thing that still keeps me going despite everything. Bless Tahereh Mafi honestly.

I don’t talk about this a lot because I kind of don’t want people to know how shitty my life really is?? I guess?? Does that make sense???

This kind of relates to May’s post, but people expect you to be happy and funny and upbeat all the time so you don’t really want to talk about when you’re struggling or dealing with some bad/negative things in your life.

But yeah, I’m just gonna say it:

I have social/general anxiety and depression.

I talk about my anxiety more often than not because I feel like many people here can relate, but my depression is something I tend to casually joke about because it’s something I don’t really like sharing??

If you’ve been following me on Twitter for a while, you might know about this stuff because I literally use it as my diary lmao but I still don’t share EVERYTHING on there because, again, I don’t want people to see how shitty my life really is.

And I don’t know if this is my anxiety, the seasons changing, or something else altogether, but I have the worst mood swings EVER. And they’ve been more prominent lately.

I’m going to quote Simon Spier here because whenever I watch the trailer and I hear this quote, it hits me right in the chest.

“One minute I’m on top of the world, and the next I’m at rock bottom.”

I FEEL THAT. This literally sums up what my everyday life is like.

Living with anxiety and depression (and these stupid ass mood swings) isn’t easy, but I’ve been struggling with them for such a long time now that I recognise the signs and I know how to deal with them (most of the time).

Obviously I can’t prevent any of it from happening.

There are times when life is good and I feel like a “normal”, happy human who is living her best life. Other times, things can get really bad and times are rough but I’m fighting my way through it.

Which is pretty much why I’m writing this post. Things are bad right now. But I’m working on it.

Basically, this past week and a half has been tough and my mental health is going downhill. I’m lacking the motivation to do ANYTHING—reading, blogging, writing, studying—everything feels like an effort.

I literally don’t do anything all day and I still end up feeling exhausted and ready to fall into bed to sleep for 10 years.

I need to get my life together first before I can even think about things like blogging. Which is exactly what I plan to do.

I just realised that I’ve told some people IRL about this blog and it’s weird how I talk so casually and freely about my mental illnesses and my fucked up life djhgdfjg I could NEVER say these things to anyone if we were face to face so…… hi this is the real me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ *waves awkwardly*

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So… what now?

I need a break. That much is clear. I mean who didn’t see this coming after reading all of that lmao.

Back when I figured out my March blogging schedule, I already had a week-long break planned for next week since I’m writing my exam and I’d like to take this time to study.

The original plan was to only miss next week and come back in full force for the last week of March. Right now, I don’t know if that will be possible.

As you can tell by this post, I’m feeling very meh and all this stress and pressure is causing me to have a lot of anxiety. It’s also taking its toll on my physical well-being and I’m just in this really weird place and it’s getting TOO MUCH.

I honestly can’t tell you if all of that will go away once I’ve written my exam?? Or if something else is the cause?? If I’ll need more time after that??? Idk???? More question marks????????

For now, I want to announce that I’m going on a hiatus until March 31st.

I know that I take one hiatus after the other, but I realised the ones I took before were way to short and I’ve not given myself enough time to regenerate before diving back into blogging.

I just really need to figure my life out and get my shit together before I go back to invest time into blogging and risk burning myself out. AGAIN.

Definitely follow me on Twitter if you want to know how I’m handling the disaster that is my life. I’ll also update you there in case something changes about my return to blogging.

PSA to my IRLs if you’re reading this: I KNOW y’all have already stalked my Twitter lmao don’t think I don’t know about this bc I SEE YOU. So instead of just creeping around my profile, why don’t you just shoot me a message. Or follow my tragic ass. Whatever floats your boat. I’ve been pretty honest in this post and y’all basically know my deepest darkest secrets now so there’s nothing else I have to hide sdjhdgf bye

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I don’t have much else to say here except thank you.

Thank you for reading this post or just skimming it, for being the nicest and most supportive group of people, for always leaving the sweetest comments that put a smile on my face, and for all the love and support you’ve shown me.

Even though I’m a walking disaster.

Feel free to message me on Twitter whenever!

I love you guys. See you soon.


Have you ever experienced similar struggles? How do you deal with blogging pressures? Can you recommend any light, fun books that help against reading slumps/book hangovers? How do you balance blogging, reading, school/work, mental health? Anything else you want to say? Let’s chat in the comments! 

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53 thoughts on “I’m struggling… // A very personal post about why I don’t enjoy blogging, my struggles with anxiety + why I need a BREAK (aka this is a rambly mess)

  1. I’m not sure how to explain how I manage. I’ve got a similar situation in that I also deal with mental illness (bipolar disorder/anxiety disorder in my case) and those have led to some serious low periods in blogging. I can’t always tell when they’re coming of course. I think my number one piece of advice would be to schedule posts ahead of time when you know you’re in a good position to do so. If it doesn’t happen for awhile that’s fine, but when it happens, take advantage. Right now I’ve got the month planned as far as reviews go so I’ve got some leeway in tackling the mountain of review copies I should be getting through.

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  2. I’m so bad with comments like this, but I just want you to know that I’m here for you, and sending lots of love and support ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Okay, first – before I forget – maybe check out Jenny Lawson’s books if you haven’t already. She struggles with so many medical / mental issues, writes books about it and it might not be light at times, but it’s funny, it’s uplifting and heart-breaking at the same time. I know people who loved it that someone like her wrote a book like that. I only read Furiously Happy but I love that book to pieces still.

    Apart from that, girl.. If you’re done, you’re done. If you need time for yourself, take some time for yourself. It doesn’t matter how long it is. If it’s a week, a month, half a year. We all just want you to be okay and be as happy as you can possibly be. Don’t even for a second think that we’re obliging you to come back ASAP. Sure, we hope you’re back ASAP if that equals you being okay again – but you know what I mean, I hope.
    The pressures of blogging and reading are real when you have a blog but you shouldn’t let it get to you. Although that’s way easier to say than actually do, I know. But it’s true. Those posts you mention at the start of yours have so many things I completely agree with; they’re right. It’s the most important thing that we ourselves are okay, that we are who we are on our blog. If you’re not okay right now? You’re right to share that. We want to know how you’re doing apart from all the bookish stuff. We do. So cuddoos to you for taking this step and sharing all those things because I know sharing it is HARD.
    I hope you’ll end up being okay. Don’t let the pressure get to you, try not to stress too much and simply let your blog go and be its own thing for a while. It’ll survive. It doesn’t need you to feed it posts non-stop for that. It’ll still be there when you feel well enough to come back. Try not to let your exams stress you out to much either. Just take it one step at a time as best as you can.
    And if you want to take a couple of days to just lay in bed and do whatever you feel like doing – like, I don’t know, binge Netflix for a couple of days – just do that. Mood-doing is something that helps me every time I feel like I’m getting in a general life slump, because it sounds like that’s pretty much what you’re coping with right now. Try and do things you know will do you good. [The thing that helps me most times is taking some walks on my own with music. Just walk it all out, think, fresh air – but we’re our own person so what works for me might not work for you.]

    Anyway. I’ll just end this whole ridiculously long comment by saying that I hope you’ll end up being okay, that you’ll find your motivation for life back, that you’ll feel better again. I really, really hope that, Jackie. And if you ever want to talk about anything, just shoot me a message anywhere or simply mail me if you have a rant to get off your chest.

    Chin up, girl. You can beat this. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh wow, Kathy. I don’t even know what to say except thank you. Thank you SO much for this incredibly kind and uplifting comment and all the good advice! It’s been quite a while since I wrote this post and I’ve had my ups and downs (it’s a Very Big Down Right now so reading this comment now is PERFECT TIMING). Honestly, I just took out a pen and I will now write the things you told me down so I can always remember what to do when I don’t feel too good.

      I don’t know what else to say except thank you, but I hope you know that this is one of my favourite comments I’ve ever gotten and it means more than you know 💖💖💖

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re very, very welcome, Jackie. ❤ I'm happy you read it at a time like that because those are the moments we need something uplifting the most.

        I hope you'll be doing better by the time you're reading this and if not; you can beat it. You can beat anything that comes your way; I know you can. ❤

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  4. i get where you’re coming from in this post – there’s so much pressure that comes along with blogging, and it can be a lot to deal with sometimes. that’s not really something you can do anything about; it happens and usually the best course of action is to take a break. which is what you’re doing, and that’s great! *insert several heart emojis that i can’t put here because i’m on pc*

    no matter what you decide – if you want to continue blogging, or stop – you are valid and we all love you. it’s entirely your choice ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m really sorry to hear that you are struggling, take as long as you need to focus on yourself. I also suffer from social anxiety and depression so I can relate to how draining it can be and the pressure of blogging on top of everything does not help.

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  6. I wondered about doing a hiatus as well for a while; I felt like I wasn’t doing good enough and that I felt self doubt that the content I created wasn’t good enough. We’ve all been there girlie 🙂 keep hanging in there! Watch TV shows, hang out with family, whatever you need to get better. I’ve had a weird reading thing too, but no one is a master reader all the time. We’re all cheering for you 🙂

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  7. Oh Jackie reading your post really made me want to give you a hug 😢💕 I’m so sorry that your life is currently all over the place and that you’re struggling a lot 😦 Take all the time to do some self-care and try to figure out what’s going on in your life, it’s so important to take care of yourself ♥ Sometimes taking breaks is necessary and can manage to refill your energy, your well being always comes before anything else! 💕I definitely wish you all the best and hope that you manage to feel even a bit better ♥ I also hope that your exam does turn out remotely okay despite the circummstances! If you want I’m always here to talk or fangirl or whatever you want ♥ Basically, I’m keeping my fingers crossed that the upcoming weeks bring you as many happy moments as currently possible, because I really want you to be happy 💕 *insert a lot of positive vibes and hugs*

    I can definitely relate to the blogging stress that you described, because lately I’ve been feeling the weight of the responsibilities that come with running a blog 😅 Generally writing blog posts works out for me, but I’ve been feeling overwhelmed by answering comments and blog hopping to the point where it sometiems feels like a chore (which I haven’t had the courage to actually admit until I read your post). I don’t want a hobby to feel like that and genuinly love interacting with other bookworms, but sometimes it feels like there are sooo many things that I want/need to do all at once. New posts to read are appearing on my feed daily as do new comments that need to be answered & this tends to put pressure on me to do everything right now. I always feel bad when I don’t answer comments immediately, but I cannot do this daily. I have to be in a very specific mindset to tend to my comments, because as an anxious introvert interaction is scary for me, despite everyone being so nice. Sometimes, I feel like I put too much pressure on myself to always show my best side when I comment, which leads to me needing to focus all my energy on sounding upbeat.

    This turned into me confessing a lot of my current blogging stress, but your post really made me reconsider my current situation and what I could do to relive some of the pressure that I feel. Therefore, I truly thank you for writing this very personal post, because it did help me on some level and managed to remind me that taking time for self-care is very important 💕

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    1. Thank you so so so much Caro! You’re honestly one of the kindest and sweetest people I’ve ever met and you always manage to put a smile on my face 💖 my exam did actually turn out alright! I passed with a REALLY low grade but at least I passed! I’m just relieved I don’t have to take the exam again haha!

      Omg that means so much! You’re welcome and feel free to message me when you’re not feeling great or you need to rant about uni/blogging/life!

      And I can totally relate to that. Ever since I did my first big hiatus I haven’t had the motivation to blog hop and comment anymore. Being social (even if it’s just online) is super draining for me and like you, I have to be in the right mindset! I hope that one day I will figure this out and find the right schedule that works for me!

      Again, thank you so much for being kind and awesome and a great friend 💖

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  8. Reading your post kinda hit me. I also feel so much pressure while blogging…which is probably why I haven’t posted anything in four days, I always feel like the post will take a half hour tops, and then it just snowballs into two hours.
    I’m so sorry that things are so rough right now. I don’t have a Twitter, or else I would follow you ASAP. You can beat this…life slump, I know it.
    Good luck with everything, and I look forward to your return. 🙂

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    1. Thank you so much! These past 3 months without my blog have definitely helped me figure out a lot of things about myself and what I want this blog to be so if you’re still feeling that way, I definitely recommend taking a hiatus—no matter how long or short! But thank you so much for your kind words 💖

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  9. I can totally understand how difficult it must be. Juggling your real life, reading, commenting on other people’s blogs, while also writing your own blog posts and scheduling them can be tough. Just remember, that you have to set your priorities as well. Ultimately, your blog isn’t a priority when compared to school work or personal life.
    Also, don’t force yourself to post 3 times a week or something! For my blog personally I only set myself a goal to post once a week, and so far it’s going well. Maybe try step by step and easing yourself into the blogging schedule, starting with a post every other week, or something.
    Glad to hear your reading slump is almost over! That might also boost your motivation to write blog posts. Hope everything gets better in the future 🙂

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  10. Jackieeeeeeeee!!!!! I’m so sorry that you’re going through this and even tho it’s not the same situ, I understand??? like all the pressures of feeling that you have to do this, that, these ten billion other things AND juggle school work is a task and a half and when you chuck mental health into the picture it all turns to a blurry mess. DEFINITELY DEFINITELY go on a hiatus, bab. Again, I’m so sorry that you’ve got all this to deal with, and i really hope that your hiatus gives you a chance to work through what you’re going through and gives you a break from the pressures that you’re feeling about blogging right now!!

    Honestly, I’ve been like semi-blogging?? so i post like once a week or something but tbh???? sometimes it’s not even that!! While doing this, i’m actually relaxing and not being the burnt-out-thing I was before and sometimes i still get this nervous twitch telling me “writeapostwriteapost” (okay that happened like a second before i read your post) but then i remember I DON’T HAVE TO. AND. guess what??? I was in this HUGE-ASS-LU-EATING-READING-SLUMP before this semi-break and the slump is gone??? I can actually read because i WANT to rather than because i feel that i HAVE to. I hope that your break lets you get back to the place were you ENJOY blogging again, and don’t feel the obligation to post, or read and that you can do it BECAUSE YOU WANT TO!!

    And!! I’m really happy for you that you got to talk about these things on your blog BC THE PRESSURE TO BE “PERFECT” IS REAL and it’s a GINORMOUS step to do that because it’s like,,, “theyregonnajudgethisisscary”, esp if irl people know/follow your blog too!!

    Take this time to focus on YOU and hopefully, most things will fall into place and we’re all here for you if/when you need us and WE LOVE YOU JACKIE. I LOVE YOU ❤ ❤

    *hugsbchugs*

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    1. LUUUU THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS INCREDIBLY SWEET MESSAGE 😭😭💖💖💖💖

      I’ve had some good and bad moments while I’ve been on hiatus (and right now it’s kinda getting bad again lol) but I am slowly trying to ease back into blogging and I will definitely take your advice to hear! I just really need to figure out my own schedule and ACTUALLY REALISE that I don’t have to do anything that I don’t want to!! Gahhhh why is this so hard 😭

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      1. YOU’RE MORE THAN WELCOME ❤ ❤ ❤

        Oh no!! That's so sad to hear, and I hope that things gets better soon! Just take it day by day, a little here and there if you want! Maybe a paragraph, maybe a post, or reading someone else's and commenting! There's no need for you to march back in, you're need to take all the time that you need ❤ ❤

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  11. holy cookies where do i start? i relate so much to this post. and while i don’t’ feel like this now…TAKE A BREAK!! it will help and ONLY, ONLY, come back when you are ready. Not when you feel guilty about blogging. NOT when you think “omg im such a horrible person for not blogging” when you think “yesss i wanna post let’s GET THIS SITE BACK UP AGAIN” OKAy?? and let that break be for as long as you need it!! We will all still be here for you when you come back! And ah reading slumps are horrible!! Don’t force yourself to read!! I mean the astonishing colour of after is one of my fave books of 2018 but if ya can’t get into it, just don’t force yourself too okay? And remember blogging should be something that makes you feel happy so only be blogging when its making you happy NOT STRESSED. and i hope to the stars your mental health improves. it’s so brave of you for opening up about your anxiety and depression and i applaud you for it tbh ❤

    i love you, i support you and PUT YOURSELF FIRST!! ❤ ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. OMG ilsa this comment means so so much honestly 💖💖💖 as you can see IT’S BEEN A 3 MONTH LONG HIATUS. but now i feel like i WANT to come back?? like i’ve been meaning to write a life update-ish post soon and explain myself and what’s been going on! i still need to figure out A Lot of stuff about myself and this blog and MY LIFE but i think.. i might be ready to come back?? AHH IDK

      but yeah thank you so much for being an awesome friend and being so encouraging 💖💖

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  12. I sincerely hope that your March hiatus does what you want it to. I personally think you should forget about the blog entirely until June 30th. You need a clean break. The world will be waiting for you when you return to blogging. Take care of yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow, I didn’t even read your comment back in March but I did exactly what you told me to! And honestly, these past 3 months have been really refreshing and it DOES feel like a clean slate! I think I’m ready to ease back into blogging now so thanks for this great advice 🙂

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  13. Jackie, I’m so sorry to hear you’ve been struggling so much. I hope that this break will help you, take a step back, forget about blogging altogether and just take care of yourself ❤ I am always here whenever you need to talk, remember that, feel free to reach out if you want to, okay ❤ ❤ I am sending you all the love and hugs ❤ ❤ ❤

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      1. YAY I am so happy to hear it, Jackie ❤ And of course, always here whenever you need, don't hesitate to send me a message or anything! ❤ ❤

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  14. You don’t even know how much I relate to you. The whole endless cycle you mentioned where you can’t be productive about studies but can’t do anything else to relax yourself like read or watch a movie because of guilt is ME ALL THE TIME. I don’t feel particularly motivated to do much these days either. I mean, I like the IDEA of writing all these blog posts because I have great plans for them and everything but I just procrastinate making them? Like, what even? And same with the whole “not doing much but still feeling tired” thing. I hate feeling tired at night. I mean, it’s not even like I ran a marathon or did a lot of productive things so WHY DO I JUST WANT TO SLEEP?? I hate it especially because I feel like I can get a lot of things done at night because I feel more relaxed then? But, no, I keep telling myself throughout the day that “I’ll finish this at night” and then end up sleeping at night. It’s frustrating.
    So, I totally get what you’re saying. Anyway, one thing that I like to do when I’m 0% motivated to study is go through studygram on IG or just watch videos of people organizing their school life and shit- because seeing them use highlighters, post it notes and interesting new methods makes me want to study and finish off my syllabus. So, maybe try that. 😀
    Also, DO NOT stress yourself out because of not being able to read much. I’m telling you, I just got done with my exams and I couldn’t read anything for almost a month and the pent up need just starting building up inside me until my exams got over and now ALL I WANT TO DO IS READ. So, take a break until you actually feel like reading a book. Maybe even read a silly, trashy book if it gets you into the mood. But take a break.
    Lastly, I’m not going to tell you to chill out or relax BECAUSE IT LITERALLY DOESN’T WORK LIKE THAT LOL. But I sincerely do think that once your exams get over, a huge load of anxiety would slide off your chest and you’ll feel lighter and more motivated to other stuff like blog or read. I hope it slowly gets better. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THESE KIND WORDS 💖💖 I unintentionally did a lot of the things you mentioned while I was on hiatus and it definitely helped! AND OH GOD I am a sucker for study/journal videos!!! They always turn me into this super productive person and I need to make use of it while it lasts 😂😂 but yeah thank you for your sweet comment!

      Liked by 1 person

  15. I’m so sorry love. That feeling of constantly sinking and never being able to reach the surface…I’ve been there, more than once. It’s great that you’re able to be open about this, just make sure you never feel that you can’t talk about it with us or that you should feel awkward. One thing I’ve realized about the blogging community, especially the book blogging one, is that everyone seems so welcoming and loving.

    Since I can remember, I too have suffered from anxiety; restless nights, panic attacks…the whole thing. It sucked, and still sucks. I too, and many people I know, play off depression and anxiety as a joke…it’s a good coping mechanism…until it’s not. Many people at work see me as the giggly girl who’s always laughing, same with my friends…but there are many nights I can’t sleep and feel that pressure on my chest. After a few things last year, I hit rock bottom. But you guys, my friends and family really helped me out. What was real sh***y was my lack of desire to blog and read and practice yoga and be with people. But you all made it better.

    I hope you take the needed break you need and come back when YOU’RE ready…not for anyone else but yourself. And if you ever need to talk or vent or need a distraction, you know you have me and a bunch of others who will listen. We all care for you. Take care of yourself love. ❤ xo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so so much for this incredibly sweet comment Jenna 💖 I was definitely nervous to post this but I agree; the book community is incredibly open and encouraging about these things and I feel like I’m talking to this big group of friends that I can trust! This break has definitely helped me realise a lot of things about myself and I’m slowly but surely learning how to cope with these slumps and negative energies. And I think I’m almost ready to come back to blogging! 💖

      Liked by 1 person

  16. hey baby… I know I’m getting to this really late but all I can say is: I love you, you’re amazing, and you do WHATEVER you need to do to feel better. I… relate so much with what you’ve said, especially the mood swings thing (altho not extreme, I get so many in one day???) and if you ever need to talk, I’m here with open ears and open arms ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  17. I totally relate to this post. I don’t have depression but I do have terrible anxiety. I love and hate the quote you used: “One minute I’m on top of the world, and the next I’m at rock bottom.” I relate to it so hard that it’s worrying but, at the same time reading it makes me recognise that I am not okay, which is a horrible feeling.
    I hope you will be okay! Know that you can take your own time and that we will all be here for you!

    Liked by 1 person

  18. JACKIE!! HI!! IT US THE TWINS AND IT HAS BEEN AGES…probs because we had gone M.I.A. (Missing in Action) very suddenly. Reasons being because life just took over! We can totally relate to the stress of just everything pilling up making you lose interest in things that once brought you immense joy (also known as depression).

    But, when we came back (and boy are we glad to be back…buttt), we immediately wanted to check out the blogs we haven’t been able to keep up with during our sudden disappearance. That includes you our dear Shatter Me WARNERETTETRASH friend! It’s soo sad that you too have come to the point where your stress just took over and that now we’re back we will not be blessed by your presence until you finally feel the love for blogging again. For us, blogging has always been fun and what always made us want to stay was for the amazing bloggers/people out there that we interact with.

    We shall wait till you return and we hope this (much needed) break will help you heal and brink back your love for reading and blogging.

    Like

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