I’m struggling… // A very personal post about why I don’t enjoy blogging, my struggles with anxiety + why I need a BREAK (aka this is a rambly mess)

Do y’all know that video of the girl who got a speeding ticket and then she has a full emotional breakdown because “her life is going extremely downhill”. Because that is EXACTLY how I feel right now.

I honestly don’t even know how else to introduce this post.

This is basically just going to be me rambling about my life and everything that is going wrong at this very moment.

I’m in a pretty bad mental state, I could not care less about blogging right now, I lack any and all motivation to study for my exam and my reading mojo is off. I usually don’t talk about my struggles on my blog, but I’m tired and I just want to be honest with y’all.

So here we are.

I’m a little nervous to post this, but I just really needed to get these things off my chest and I hope you guys understand where I’m coming from.

Sit down and grab a snack because this is going to be rambly personal AF.

February Recap // A successful reading month, actual (!) update on my WRITING, first ever physical ARC and RESTORE ME RELEASE!!!

Do you ever get that wholesome feeling after finishing a Wrap Up post when you realise how successful your month has been?

Because that’s how I’m feeling right now.

I feel so at ease because not only did I manage to read amazing books this month, but I also took care of my mental health and did a lot of things I enjoy but have neglected over the last few months (eg. WRITING!!!) and it feels so GOOD.

And as you can tell by the title of this post, I have some very exciting things to share with you guys!!!! Ahhh!!!

Thanks for being awesome @ February.

2018 Goals // Keep Up with my TBR, Work on my WIP, Self-Care (!!!) and tracking my Habits

Have you ever set yourself New Year’s Resolutions and abandonded them two weeks into the new year?

Yeah. I think we can all relate.

I planned to do a 2018 goals post at the very beginning of the year so I could easily go back to it and hold myself accountable for actually keeping up with them.

As you can probably tell, I already failed that task.

I planned to abandon this post altogether because it seemed pretty pointless to post it when we’re already two months into the year. However, it is NEVER too late to set yourself some goals for the year so here I am.

you may have seen Swetlana’s post from last week about her 2018 reading goals which PROVES that it’s not too late!

Let’s hope I’ll actually stick to these goals instead of abandoning them like I do every year.

January Recap // my life is One Big Mess, it’s #20GayTeen and I’m back from my hiatus I think?? (also RESTORE ME!!!)

Hey what’s up, it’s been a while! [whenever I say this I’ve got Zayn’s song in my head but I don’t think anyone here gets the reference]

Well, as the title of this post suggests, I am back from the dead (again).

I was literally so motivated to start posting again when I wrote my December Recap, but then life happened and hit me in the face like a brick, and I wasn’t READY to have all these responsibilities thrown at me out of NOWhERe.

me trying to dodge school work, exams, blogging, writing, nervous breakdowns, panic, stress, anxiety and anything else that was trying to get my attention in January

My recap ended up being the only post I wrote in January dkhgdk I’M SORRY.

I’m not one to constantly abandon my blog, go on random unannounced hiatuses and post inconsistently, but it has been happening a lot lately AND I HATE IT.

I desperately hope think that I finally regained my blogging mojo though and I’m excited to see what February brings I MEAN IT’S THE MONTH OF LOVE AFTER ALL *yuck*

For now, please enjoy reading about my 5 nervous breakdowns :)))))

December Recap // Christmas celebrations, fangirl mania and SO MANY BOOKS!

I know we’re already in the middle of January, but December was too good of a month for me.

It was Christmas and I got the best presents from family (BOOKS), friends (BOOKS) and myself (BOOKS). And yes, buying yourself Christmas presents is a thing because you can never have enough books.

December was also my best reading month of the year??? And I just barely* reached my unofficial goal of reading 100 books in 2017??? PHEW.

And what kind of fangirl would I be if I didn’t find a ton of new things to obsess about this month.

Bi the way!!! Don’t forget to enter my *INTERNATIONAL* giveaway which ends next week ahhhh!

*I literally read two comics books 30 minutes before 2018 began!

2017 Wrap Up // Best and Worst + Most Suprising and Disappointing Books of 2017 and everything in between!

Well, well, well. Guess who’s back from the dead her unannounced hiatus.

IT’S YA GIRL JACKIE (in case you forgot my name lmao) aka the one who takes a month to reply to comments and almost never blog hops anymore because she’s trash life gets in the way. But what’s new *shrugs*

I actually planned to go on a 2-week long hiatus between Christmas and now, and I planned to have at least two more posts up before I did that and actually announce the hiatus but….. you know….

THE STRUGGLES OF BEING #LAZY AND #DEMOTIVATED.

But I’m back now (at least for a week or two?) before I go on another hiatus because I’ll be in study hell I mean– okay no I really mean STUDY HELL.

Before I do that though, I wanted to take a look at the year 2017. I honestly can’t believe how FAST it went by—I swear, this was one of the quickest years EVER and while I have accomplished and done some incredible things, I still feel that overall it was pretty meh and I could have done MORE.

However, my 2017 from a bookish perspective was fantastic and it was THE BEST reading year I’ve had so far???? I’m SOOOO excited to go through my Goodreads shelves and see which books I loved and hated most this year AHHHH.

November Recap // not much reading, even less writing and a huge existential crisis + MY FAV AUTHOR TWEETED ME???

What is reading??? What is writing??? What is blogging??? What is life???

What. Even. Was. November.

I don’t think I’ve ever had such a bad reading month. In the first 3 weeks of November, I didn’t even pick up a single book for myself aka I only forced myself through the four tragic/average/trashy/boring books I had to read for uni.

My poor bookshelves were wailing for my attention, begging me to PLEASE JUST PICK OUT A SINGLE BOOK TO READ WE MISS YOU

But my brain was like NUH-UH you’re doing NaNo, you have to focus on WRITING.

Well, guess who didn’t do any writing either?????? Me.

can i take a nap for the next two months pls

Things got better at the end of the month BUT I’M STILL IN THIS WEIRD FUNK WHERE EVERYTHING I DO IS EXHAUSTING.

I don’t want to make my intro too depressing, but be prepared for an enourmous existentital crisis including lots of crying, exhaustion, flailing of arms and MAYBE a handful of good things that happened to me.

PS. HOW IS IT DECEMBER ALREADY IT’S BASICALLY CHRISTMAS AKA 2018 AKA CAN WE NOT IT’S GIVING ME ANXIETY

Fangirl Friday—Concert Edition // Seeing Harry Styles and Banks during my birthday week (yes, that exists!)

THE QUEEN OF FANGIRLING IS BACK.

Oh. My. God.

Who missed Fierce Fangirl Fridays???????

MEEEEEEE.

I feel so bad for neglecting my own meme??? But I don’t really want to fangirl about something EVERY WEEK since my posting schedule is literally two times a week and it’d only leave space for one “original” post and it’s SUCH STRESS BYE.

I also wanted to make some changes to this meme and get rid of the FIERCE because IT’S BEEN BUGGING ME FOR SOOOOOO LONG. But someone else is doing ‘Fangirl Fridays’ so I’ll have to check back with them. We’ll see.

WHAT I WILL BE TALKING ABOUT TODAY IS MY CONCERT EXPERIENCE *dies*

I SAW BANKS AND HARRY STYLES ABOUT A WEEK AND A HALF AGO AND I HAVE LOADS TO SAY AND FREAK OUT ABOUT SO BE PREPARED FOR CAPS LOCK AND KEYBOARD SMASH AND NOT MUCH COHERENCE.

October Wrap Up aka the best month of the year!!! // birthday celebrations, some fangirling and SO MANY good books!!!

October has been an absolutely brilliant month for me. I am genuinely just SO HAPPY about everything that’s happened!!!

The first thing that needs to be mentioned is my return to blogging (which I’m still SO excited about!)—I still suck at blog hopping and commenting back on time but things are looking up! And I really enjoy writing blog posts again which is wonderful!

Secondly, I’ve read so many great books this month and I actively tried to read books that I was in the mood for, books on my physical TBR that I’ve been meaning to read for YEARS AKA SIX OF CROWS BITCHEEEESSSSS, and Netgalley ARCs that I’ve been wanting to knock off my shelves!

Thirdly, I’ve done some fantastic prepping and plotting for my novel and I feel ready to tackle NaNoWriMo………. is what I wish I could say. But no. That didn’t happen.

Fourthly (is that even a thing), I went to two concerts which made me SO FREAKING HAPPY and I also feel very happy and confident in general. I had WAY LESS anxiety this month than I had all year and I’m just so HAPPY lately. I’m kicking anxiety’s ass ❤

It’s just been an overall fantastic month and I’m super happy. October has probably been my favourite month all year!

My plans and goals for Fall // NaNoWriMo, blogging and being ~artsy~

It’s October, also known as the best month of the year for several reasons!

• #1: my birthday is this month
• #2: it’s the month of mysteries and spookiness aka HALLOWEEN
• i’m forever sad that we don’t officially celebrate it here in Germany—MY INNER EMO WITCH NEEDS TO BE RELEASED. THE WORLD SHALL NOW MY WRATH.

accurate representation of me trying to be evil but actually looking stupid

• #3: it’s Fall! the season of cold weather, mustard and burgundy colours, sweaters and coziness and just OVERALL GREATNESS
• and rainy days which is just… YUCK (but also not-yuck when you’re inside, cuddled up in bed with a good book, lit candles and some tea #cozy)
• IT’S MY FAVOURITE SEASON OF THEM ALL.*

*stop lying jackie. whenever a new season begins, I always say that this one is my favourite of them all. when it’s not. i’m just lying to myself.**

**but actually, Fall does have a special place in my heart because I’M A FALL BABY SO I HAVE A DEEPER CONNECTION. #FALLBABIESUNITE

According to Google, Fall begins on September 22nd and ends on December 21st. DECEMBER??? REALLY?????????

I almost consider November the start of WINTER so how can fall last until DECEMBER. AND THREE DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS WHICH IS PRACTICALLY THE MIDST OF WINTER??? I AM CONFUSION.

We’ve run a bit off track here—the point of this post is to share my ambitious but exciting Fall plans and goals! As we now know, Fall lasts until December so I have PLENTY OF TIME to achieve these goals.